Chinese language - Arctic monkeys are stating the freezing obvious

ENTERTAINMENT / Hot Pot Column






Arctic monkeys are stating the freezing obvious

By Graham Bond (China Daily)
Updated: 2007-03-13 11:45



Northerners probably don't need reminding that it's been a bit nippy
recently. Those who still find themselves shoveling snow or thawing
numbed limbs may be consoled to hear that their pain was shared by the
citizens of the south. In fact, things were so bad down here that the
Hong Kong Observatory felt moved to issue one of its knee-trembling Cold
Weather Warnings for the benefit of the uncomprehending populous.

"Members of the public are advised to put on warm clothes," entreated the
experts as the mercury plunged, dipping into a knowledge base so
specialist that, apparently, it takes four years to earn a degree in
meteorology.

"If you must go out, avoid prolonged exposure to wintry winds," added the
guardians of public health, now assuming the impatient tone of a nagging
mother-in-law.

"If you know of elderly persons or people with chronic medical conditions
staying alone, call or visit them occasionally to check if they need any
assistance," went the final piece of priceless advice.

Anyone who caught the news or watched the press conferences might have
assumed that at that very moment small children were ice skating across
Victoria Harbor, marveling at the world's newest glacier out of which
only the tip of the 88-storey IFC 2 tower was now poking.

Alas no. Unlike Shenyang or Dalian in Northeast China, Hong Kong didn't
find itself victim to vicious blizzards or experiencing power cuts during
Arctic temperatures. The problem in well-fed, well-sheltered, well-rich
Hong Kong was that the temperature fell below about 15 C. In Hong Kong
and I quote this construes a health "threat" and thus the well-honed
warning mechanism kicked in.

It reminded me of British autumns past where, despite absolute seasonal
predictability, fallen leaves on railway tracks would cause the train
network to literally grind to a halt, and with it the entire economy.

If it's cold, do we seriously need telling to wear clothes? If it's a bit
windy out, should we really be frightened into staying inside? Now I'm no
expert and I certainly haven't got a degree in meteorology but it all
seemed a little over the top. I don't need to have spent several years in
university to know that most human beings have a little thing called a
nervous system which rather puts Hong Kong's Cold Weather Warning to
shame.

It's an amazing contraption, developed over several millennia, and
pre-programmed into every new born baby for absolutely free. Here's how
it works: If it's hot, you sweat and remove superfluous layers of
clothes. If it's cold, you shiver and crawl under the duvet. If someone
cuts your arm off, your scream, then call for a doctor. And if someone
fires a machine gun, you duck, or run. Despite what nagging
mother-in-laws and Hong Kong Observatory officials may think, we don't
always need reminding of the bleeding obvious.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed. It's freezing in this
apartment, and for some reason I've never quite got round to buying a
heater.


(China Daily 03/13/2007 page19)










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